It's been a long time since I've posted, but that's not very unusual. Since I last wrote here, I've pretty well blocked myself off from the outside world. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, and I play World of Warcraft until I pass out. That's pretty much the day to day process. I smoke about a pack a day, my room is littered with Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and Rockstar cans. I can't remeber the last time I cleaned the rabbit's cage, and to top things off, I haven't spoken to any real life friends in weeks. Yeah, pathetic... I know.

The only other thing going on is some legal issue. I promise I'll go more in-depth once my case is setttled, but basically I was arrested in Decemeber for some BS I am alleged to have done a few years ago. I've been to court practically every month since then dealing with this garbage and even had to take a polygraph (which I passed); Yet, still the litigation persists. I just find it ironic that I'm being prosecuted for something which if convicted could result in my imprisonment when my day-to-day existence (see above) is nothing more than a self-inflicted prison anyway. Yeah, pathetic... I know.

I do see and talk to Melissa every once in a while, but I can never say what I want to say or be who I want to be. I don't really know how to just be a friend. I strive to just be amicable and not say mean things, when actually I'm just afraid to be myself. I'm afraid things would just be too weird if I regarded her the way I truly do. I mean, how would she react if she knew I still think about her every day? Do you think she'd ever believe that after all this time, and after all the mean things I've said, that I still love her with all of my heart? I miss her so much still, I just don't know how to put it into words. Yeah, pathetic... I know.

There, I've said it. Damn my stubborn heart. As for the other stuff, things have just got to get better... I'd rather not think about the alternative.