I really wish I knew what is wrong with me. I constantly feel as though something is amiss in my relationship. It makes my stomach churn and at random times I just feel like crying. I don't know why. It's like there's something eating away at me and I just can't put my finger on it. Sometimes, Melissa will look at me and ask me what's wrong, and I tell her "nothing." It's not really nothing, it's something - but i don't know what. I don't know what to tell her. I know it may look like I'm hiding something, but I'm not. I just don't know what it is. I don't know why I feel like this. I've tried really hard just to ignore this feeling. I just want it to go away and things to go back like they were before. I don't want to feel so insecure. I don't want to constantly feel the need to apologize when I haven't done anything. Why can't I get my head straight?

I just wanted to say that I honestly did not mean most of the things I said in that last post. I won't make excuses. It was a bad decision on my part. Things lately have been much much better and I'm a lot more optimistic about the future. Also, I would like to especially apologize to Melissa for what I said. I would do anything to be able to take back all of it. I know these have been trying times for us and I've only made it worse. I hope that you can once again find it in your heart to forgive me.

Just keep in mind... I'm cute, I have pretty eyes, I'm good in bed, and I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich =) <3 I love you and I always will.

Is it wrong to post my thoughts on the internet?
Is it wrong if I sometimes think about telling her I need a few days to myself and just disappearing for a while?
Is it wrong for me to want to (and try to) give someone everything they want - no matter the expense?
Is it wrong if sometimes I think about cancelling WoW just to see if she would leave me over it?
Is it wrong for me to have her on my mind every waking minute - sometimes even when I'm asleep?
Is it wrong if I sometimes wonder if she really wants to marry me or if she just really wants a wedding?
Is it wrong for me to want to have sex with her at least once or twice a week?
Is it wrong for me to expect that she would want to?
Is it wrong for me to wonder why she used to and now she doesn't?
Is it wrong for me to want to be with her even if she never wants sex again?
Is it wrong for me to be jealous of guys she spends more time talking/chatting with than me?
Is it wrong for me to feel like I'm a stupid little bitch that needs to quit whining and be thankful for what I have but at the same time feel like I'm just a total tool being used for free meals and a WoW account?
Is it wrong that I am scared to bring up any of this to her for fear of starting an argument and having her walk out on me?
Is it wrong if I feel loved and unwanted by the same person at the same time?
Is it wrong that I blame myself for everything - or is everything simply my fault?
Is it wrong for me to feel like I'm being tested and failing miserably?
Is it wrong if I drive down the road at night and contemplate wrapping my car around a tree at 80mph?
Is it wrong to post my thoughts on the internet?