No one prepares you for life. You go into each day not knowing what it will bring or what effect your decisions will have on your future. Furthermore, you certainly don't know what effect your decisions will have on other people's decisions that will affect your future.
Why do we choose to learn about love from Hollywood? Where every movie has a happy ending. You never see the movie where the guy gets the girl, lives happily, leaves girl, realizes his mistake, tries to get her back, and fails. Hollywood doesn't give the girl enough credit. We take for granted that if the guy comes to his senses and confesses his undying love for her that she'll take him back. That's not the real world. The real world is not a world of happy endings and second chances. The real world is a world of mistakes and punishment. If you choose to continue living in it, you're given the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. What no one tells is that your attempts to learn from past mistakes are futile because there will always be new mistakes you didn't know you would make.
What is love to you? I know some people who can walk through a room of strangers hugging each and every one and tell them they love them. Other people reserve the word for only those who are closest to them, people they would take a bullet for, people who they can't imagine their life without. What makes either better than the other? Ask yourself how many people you've said you love. How many do you still love? Can you really love someone and then hate them later, or did you actually never love them at all? I'm the second kind of person.
The people I love:
My mother, my father, my brother(Scott), Eric, Justin, and Melissa.
How many people are there on Earth? 5? 6+ billion? And out of all of those people, I can honestly say without a doubt that I love those six. I could go on and on at length about each one of them and explain how I love each one of them in a completely unique way. Although I love them all in different ways, no matter what they do to me, no matter how much pain they bring me, no matter what, I will always love them. Even if their definitions of love are different than mine, even if they stop loving me or don't love me or even if they never loved me, I'll always love them and I'll always be there for them. That being said, I don't choose who to love and who not to love. I want everyone to know that. I don't want anyone to be confused about what love means to me. It's not a game to me and I won't throw the word out there just to fuck with people's heads.
If you know me and you're not on the list, it doesn't mean I don't care about you. It doesn't even necessarily mean I don't love you and certainly doesn't mean I won't some day come to love you. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's many different ways to realize you love someone. From now on, I'm going to pay closer attention to my feelings. I don't want to let myself love anyone else again only to realize it too late. I don't want to hurt anyone, including myself.
I don't yet know that there is life after Melissa. At one time I thought I would be the one who would move on seamlessly and she would be the one wanting me back. I don't know what made me think I deserved such an ego. It doesn't take an Einstein to realize that there's not a lot of girls out there looking for a 22 y/o, 325 lb., atheist, college dropout who lives with his parents and has nothing better to do than hang out with his loser friends and sink small loads of money into a car that will probably never be paid for.
That's just the simple truth, so having said that maybe Melissa is better off without me...
...but I'm still totally screwed without her.
If there were anything in world that I could do to un-do what I've done, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If there were anything I could say to make her know that things would be different, I'd say it without hesitation. Amputation? I'm there. Castration? Ehhh... well even I have to draw the line somewhere.
Why do we choose to learn about love from Hollywood? Where every movie has a happy ending. You never see the movie where the guy gets the girl, lives happily, leaves girl, realizes his mistake, tries to get her back, and fails. Hollywood doesn't give the girl enough credit. We take for granted that if the guy comes to his senses and confesses his undying love for her that she'll take him back. That's not the real world. The real world is not a world of happy endings and second chances. The real world is a world of mistakes and punishment. If you choose to continue living in it, you're given the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. What no one tells is that your attempts to learn from past mistakes are futile because there will always be new mistakes you didn't know you would make.
What is love to you? I know some people who can walk through a room of strangers hugging each and every one and tell them they love them. Other people reserve the word for only those who are closest to them, people they would take a bullet for, people who they can't imagine their life without. What makes either better than the other? Ask yourself how many people you've said you love. How many do you still love? Can you really love someone and then hate them later, or did you actually never love them at all? I'm the second kind of person.
The people I love:
My mother, my father, my brother(Scott), Eric, Justin, and Melissa.
How many people are there on Earth? 5? 6+ billion? And out of all of those people, I can honestly say without a doubt that I love those six. I could go on and on at length about each one of them and explain how I love each one of them in a completely unique way. Although I love them all in different ways, no matter what they do to me, no matter how much pain they bring me, no matter what, I will always love them. Even if their definitions of love are different than mine, even if they stop loving me or don't love me or even if they never loved me, I'll always love them and I'll always be there for them. That being said, I don't choose who to love and who not to love. I want everyone to know that. I don't want anyone to be confused about what love means to me. It's not a game to me and I won't throw the word out there just to fuck with people's heads.
If you know me and you're not on the list, it doesn't mean I don't care about you. It doesn't even necessarily mean I don't love you and certainly doesn't mean I won't some day come to love you. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's many different ways to realize you love someone. From now on, I'm going to pay closer attention to my feelings. I don't want to let myself love anyone else again only to realize it too late. I don't want to hurt anyone, including myself.
I don't yet know that there is life after Melissa. At one time I thought I would be the one who would move on seamlessly and she would be the one wanting me back. I don't know what made me think I deserved such an ego. It doesn't take an Einstein to realize that there's not a lot of girls out there looking for a 22 y/o, 325 lb., atheist, college dropout who lives with his parents and has nothing better to do than hang out with his loser friends and sink small loads of money into a car that will probably never be paid for.
That's just the simple truth, so having said that maybe Melissa is better off without me...
...but I'm still totally screwed without her.
If there were anything in world that I could do to un-do what I've done, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If there were anything I could say to make her know that things would be different, I'd say it without hesitation. Amputation? I'm there. Castration? Ehhh... well even I have to draw the line somewhere.
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