Ok, Melissa decided to comment on the previous entry by utilizing the guestbook. So click here to take a look at what she had to say. I didn't exactly agree with all of it, but the overall meaning was such that I don't feel any need to complain. Ok, so, ...actually, it made me really happy. :-)

I don't really have much else to post except that I went shopping today and bought a surround sound system for the big screen in the living room. We've really needed it for so long, I just got tired of waiting for my parents to do something about it. So, anyway... it's Panasonic progressive scan 5 disc DVD/CD/(CD-R/CD-RW)MP3, 600w, AM/FM... all for $330 ... and no interest for 12 months. ::shrugs:: I think I got a good deal. It's not top of the line... but it suits our needs... err rather my needs. I doubt anyone else will even learn how to use it. I also picked up something for melissa while I was out today. I haven't given it to her yet... I plan to give it to her tonight, but she doesn't know what it is yet so I'm not going to ruin it by posting it here. It's really nothing special, just something I thought she could use, and when I saw it i said "Melissa needs that." so I got it. She better not be mad cause she told me explicitly that if I wanted to buy her anything I could. I just hope she's not disappointed. I guess I'll soon see.

Well... lots of stuff to post tonight. My life has been way too hectic lately... and it's times like this that I really take pride in my care-free attitude. So let me start with a continued topic. THE SUN IS MY ENEMY. There... I said it. I went canoeing this past weekend and got totally burnt all over again. I wore shoes this time... so I wouldn't get burned on my feet, and because the chuck taylor all-stars are fairly impervious to water and my arms simply won't burn... which is cool. So I burned my face which wasn't too bad, but my legs (and i shit you not) had second degree burns. (I know this because I showed it to my Mom) It hurt like holy hell to walk for a few days but I went to work and did my whole routine without much deviation... other than telling everyone that I was in pain constantly just because it hurt so damn bad.

Next topic.

As you all (should) know I'm dating again. It's really fuckin with my head. Here's the deal which I haven't let most of you in on... and that's that Melissa is my boss's daughter. Now, I've settled up with my boss and told him the situation, and well... basically all of my co-workers that I feel like i can trust are aware of the relationship along with all of my friends, of course. (you can all stop snickering now) So, even though this is the first time I mention it here on the site, it's really a non-issue now. Now, i'm just trying to make this work but sometimes I feel like I don't have what it takes. I'm really comfortable around her, I feel like we get along really well most of the time and I've never been happier than night before last when I took her to dauphin island to walk along the beach and sit and we played in the sand and... well... it was the first time I actually felt like we shared a moment. (insert "aww" here) Then last night we drove to Biloxi so I could introduce her to Eric, and I think Eric likes her... and she seemed to think he was a cool guy... so that made me really happy. Then on the way home she told me that right now she isn't interested in being anyone's girlfriend and that she's uncomfortable with everyone calling her my girlfriend. That's not exactly what she said word for word, but if it's too far off, I'm sure she'll correct me, and I'll pass that correction along to you. I wish I could say I fully understand what that means. All I know really is that we're still seeing each other on a regular basis and that she still says she really likes me. So, what does a guy do when he's confused by a female? Ask another female. So... I talked to Kim. Kim says I shouldn't worry... that Melissa has had some bad relationships and isn't ready to trust anyone. (She knows this because they talked for a little while at Brian's house the other night) I can sort of understand that. So she's had bad relationships. My thought on that is good luck finding someone who hasn't had bad relationships. I really feel bad that she can't trust me yet... and I feel like it's my fault even though it almost certainly isn't. Is it not understandable, though, that I might feel a little rejected by the whole "I'm not ready to be your girlfriend" thing? I'm not saying my feelings are right, but I do think I'm justified in feeling like I might just be a temp until she can find someone better. I guess it hurts because everyone always tells me, "oh, any girl would be lucky to be with you" and then I meet someone that I'm really starting to have feelings for and I find myself second guessing everything I do and feeling like I have to prove myself and I end up just generally beating myself up over things I really have no control over. One minute I'm thinking things are moving too fast, then the next minute she gives me every impression that things are moving too slow, and last night it felt like everything had stalled.... only to turn around and spend two amazing hours with her again today. It's a situation that confuses me, but I'm still crazy about her... and I'm going to be around just as long as she'll have me. I did tell her, though, that I'm still not the kind of person that if (or when) she decides to leave me is going to beg her to stay with me. No matter how many times people tell me I'm a prize, I'll never believe it... and when she does find someone better, someone who knows how to treat her better than I do, I'll be willing to concede she's be better off without me. I refuse to be an anchor to anybody. I'd much rather be a life vest. I'll cut her loose the moment I feel like an anchor. I think if the situation were reversed, I'd appreciate the same... but that's not to say I expect it. All in all, I'm not really complaining. I'm ten times happier than I was when I was alone. Now I'm just wondering how long it will last. All i can do is try my best to make it last as long as I can, right? ...right.

Next Topic.

Kim and Justin. Kim is still being a nut-case... and Justin is turning into a nut-case as a result of trying his best to cope with her. They very nearly broke up day before yesterday. It was very dramatic. It started with an irrational outburst on Kim's part, and worsened when Justin said he was breaking up with her... only to result in one long session of her her begging for him to take her back. I really want it to be a turning point in their relationship. I'd really like to see Kim mature a little and start thinking before she lets her temper get away from her. It's not bad to get mad... but it is when you really have no logical reason to be mad. I just really want to see an effort out of her besides going to the psychiatrist and getting medications. I've even suggested to Justin to go see the psychiatrist with her to see if there is anything he can do to better deal with her. I know I talk about their whole situation a lot, and maybe it shouldn't concern me, but I am concerned none-the-less. Kim, just like Justin, is my friend, and it bothers me to see Kim angry for no reason and it hurts me to see her cry over the results she gets. Not that it's all 100% her fault... as I know Justin can be very abrasive at times. I just really want everything to work out between them. I sincerely mean that.

Anyway. Time for me to get back to work. ...Later.

The beach sucks.... especially during the day. Ok, only during the day, really... cause it's not bad at night. Come to think of it, it's actually the sun that really sucks. It just sucks more than usual when I'm at the beach. Yea, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I went to the beach again yesterday and got sunburned again. I get sunburned real easy. My arms are kinda burnt and my face is a few shades more red, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is the burns on my feet and legs. That shit really fuckin hurts. Putting on shoes was never meant to be so damned painful. I just thought I'd share all that with ya. I do have the right to complain every once in a while, right? damn right I'm right. Melissa called me today while I was asleep. I didn't mind though. Of course, most people know I don't keep my cell phone with me ever so I think it's saying a lot that I actually brought it in my room today just in case she called. I'm really glad she did 'cause she said she wouldn't. Something about not wanting to call because one of her ex's thought she called him too much or something. Yea, well.. I'm not one of her ex's. Anyway, yea... she called about 7:30 this evening and it was probably the best thing I could think of to wake up to. hmm... well... except for a lap dance. heehee. No, anyway, I had my clock set for 8:00 anyway, so being awake an extra 30 mins to talk to her was well worth it. I didn't get out of bed till 8:00 anyway. I usually don't sleep so late, but like I told her, I had a really bad morning. I didn' get off work until 9:30 and then when I walked out to the parking lot I found that I had a god damn flat tire. That was totally fucking wonderful considering I had been awake since like 9am yesterday, and now I was having to change a tire in the parking lot at work. By the time I did that, and got the donut on it was still before 10... cause I've had lots of practice changing tires. So, I decided to go ahead and get the damn thing fixed because I despise riding around on a donut. Anyway... it was after 11am before I got home and I was butt tired, and there were guys at my house working on the roof (we had a few leaks) and I seriously thought about calling in for tonight, but I didn't... cause I really needs the money. So that's where things stand now... I really hope I'll get to see Melissa tomorrow. Anywho, I gotta get ready for work now. Laters.

Well well well... two days since my last post, and already another one. Weird. The pace of life has seemed to step up a notch (or two ... or six) lately. I mean... a lot has happened just in the last week. I turned 21, I got fairly intoxicated for the first time ever, got an unforgettable lapdance (i know, I just won't shut up about it), I went to the beach *during the day* for the first time in years yesterday ... and I had one of the most pleasant dates ever last night. I know... it was a date kinda out of the blue, and one I almost didn't want to go on, but so far, I'm really glad I did. Her name is Melissa. I really can't compare her to any (pfft ... either) of my ex's. She's smart... which is really my only major requirement. Hell, she even shares my disdain for stupid people. She's also very very witty. I'm inclined to say her wit rivals, if not exceeds my own. I really like that, though. It's nice to meet someone who you can smart off at and they can dish it right back. Maybe I'm just weird like that. Unlike me, though, she seems to have no problem what-so-ever saying whatever comes to her mind. It takes a bit of getting used to because at first I found myself thinking "where the hell did that come from?" ... but all in all, it really works for her. The only downside i can see is that's she's a Christian... but hey, nobody's perfect.... so I won't hold that against her. She did explain to me how she sees the hypocrisy in the people who go to church, particularly the way in which they judge each other by one set of rules and themselves by another. Did I mention she was smart? Anyway, I'm going to dismiss with the play-by-play description of the date as I've deemed it unimportant. We did go see a movie, but it was really all the talking, or babbling, or flirting, or whatever it was we did afterwards that I liked the most. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, but so far she's really impressed me. I think she likes me too, and I'm hoping that's not just wishful thinking. Then again, it could just be that she loves my car. I guess time will tell on that one.

Well... i just turned 21 this past wednesday and I've been so busy celebrating I haven't had a chance to post anything till today. Scott gave me $50 to take to Biloxi to gamble with since I had plans with my Mom to go on my 21st b-day. Anyway ... we went to a couple of casinos.. namely the Beau Rivage and the Grand Casino and I came back roughly $30 ahead and Mom came back roughly even, I think. It was an ok trip. Nothing outrageous, but I guess it made up for the time me and Mom never spend together anymore. It's not a big a deal to me, but I know she misses having me around all the time. So ... I spent my birthday with her, and did the real celebrating with my friends Friday night. Eric, Sandy, Justin, Brian (justin's friend from work), and I all went to Burbon St. (downtown New Orleans, of course). We didn't really waste time getting our drink on... Eric immediately got a crown and coke, and I got a hurricane shortly thereafter. I think everyone else just got beer. After that we went to a club Eric wanted to go into ... it was pretty mainstream and packed to say the least. He basically wanted to go in there just to get some shooters. Shooters, in case u don't know (cause i didn't) are little fruity drinks served by the shot in little test-tube lookin containers. They're pretty good. I had seven of them at last count. If I remember correctly, after that is when we went to come place called the dungeon. It was kinda small, but they had really loud hard rock and metal and good drinks, so we stayed there a while... me and eric were drinkin mostly crown & cokes and some other unknown drink ... thinking maybe it was rum and dr. pepper... not sure though. Sandy was steadily drinking beers the whole time as i recall. Justin wasn't drinking much of anything.... but Brian had several long island ice teas and seemed to be in good spirits. It was getting pretty late but before we left we decided to go to a strip bar. I must have been drunk, because I've never really wanted to go to a strip club. I mean, sure, I like naked chicks just as much as anybody... but the whole look but don't touch thing makes it more torture than pleasure. Yea... that's what I would have said... ya know ... if I hadn't been drunk and decided a lap dance would be a good thing. I honestly don't remember how I ended up with this totally hott thin milky white tall sexy blond hair, huge tits, gorgeous woman ... dancing all over me, but there's no way I'll forget that for as long as I live! That image is burned into my brain. I just want to thank, once again, Eric and Sandy and everyone else who made the entire experience possible. Hopefully we can all do it again one of these days when we have more money to blow on alcohol and strippers. I know Brian's with me on that. heh... I mean, he was the only other person to get a lap dance. Nothin says "good times" like tits in your face. ....write that down.

Oh, and one last thing before I mast... err... go to bed. Eric, please come to your senses. I don't care if you're downloading rap music and selling it to the guys at work to make a little extra income... just don't play that shit around me.... and don't make Sandy listen to that shit either. God knows she has to put up with enough living with you and raising two children. If you ever need advice on good music, feel free to come to me. I know people change when they get married and have kids, but DAMN IT, MAN. Fight back! Resist the temptation to become really really lame. I know you can do it. I believe in you.