I keep feeling like there's something I need to put here... but I don't know what. I guess I should start with a run down of what's been going on lately. I finally got my new wheels put on my car. It looks really sweet. I'll try to take pictures of them within the next couple of days. I also met some interesting people this week. Donna and Kevin are friends of Sterling ... Kevin is 24 ... Donna is 15. They're married. and that's just the beginning of the weirdness. They've been together for 4 years. So ... that means he was 20... and she was 11. Maybe it's just me ... but that seems a little fucked up. Granted, Donna isn't like any other 15 year old I've ever met. She had teal green hair, her nose pierced (septum), and I've been told she makes most of her own clothes. I'm not one to classify people as goth, or candy raver, or shit like that ... so I'll just say she's very very eccentric in the way she presents herself. If that wasn't enough ... she's also an exotic dancer, aka adult entertainer, aka stripper. Nevermind the legalities... as in... "don't you have to be 18?" ... I just don't know. Kevin on the other hand ... seems like your typical 24 year old guy for the most part. Everytime I think about Donna and Kevin I feel the way a dog looks when he looks at you and tilts his head to one side. It just boggles the mind. Sterling has tried explaining the situation to me, but I'm so far incapable of understanding it. On a different topic, Justin and Kim are having issues still. They've actually been made worse by a situation Justin has put himself in at work. He met this girl at work, Ashley, who he insists is just a friend, but since he works at Kim's dad's store, the other employees have been spreading rumors that Ashley and Justin are flirting at work and just a whole bunch of crap, so of course it all gets back to Mr. Joe (Kim's dad) and in the end Kim. So now Kim is pissed because she feels like she can't trust Justin. (and I know exactly how that feels) and Justin is pissed off because he says there's nothing between him and Ashley, and he's got to set everyone at the store straight. On a seperate yet similar note, my problem is Justin still hasn't made any fucking effort to pay me back the money he owes me. It's really pissing me off. He can buy cigs, and he can buy beer, and he can buy a guitar, and all this other shit, but he can't pay me back the $450 he owes me? It's getting really fuckin old. My only other issue at the moment is that I'm just really fucking lonely. That's as simple as it gets. Everyone's too wrapped up in their own problems to give a shit about me.

Can you believe I'm posting again so soon? me neither. It's not like I've done anything to talk about here... it's just... well... I think it's time for a "State of the Bun Address." That's right. Wheras, the President gives us the "State of the Union Address" every year to tell us all how our country is doing, I give the State of the Bun Address to give you an idea of how I'm doing... but I don't do it anually ... actually, I do it anytime I feel like i need to. To be honest though, if I were doing really great, I probably wouldn't see the need to tell you about it... so if you suspect by now that I'm not doing too great, then you've read me like the open book that I am. Maybe I'm just depressed, but it's starting to feel like no one gives a shit about me... both offline and online. Ok, offline it seems like everyone is ok with me when I'm around, but if I'm not around ... well... they don't seem to miss me either. And since I can't tell if that's really the way things are or if I'm just depressed, I think I'm just going to stay away from Kim's house effectively isolating myself from Kim, Justin, and Sterling ... just to see if they notice I'm not around. And as far as online goes ... I just want to know why the fuck no one can ask me how I'm doing! I ask damn near everyone I talk to how they're doing. I just want someone to ask me "how's life?" so I can say "well, you know ... actually, I feel like shit. ....but thanks for asking." As for why I feel like shit.... I can't put my finger on it. Sure, I'd like to say it's because I feel like no one cares about me... but then again maybe it's because I'm just tired of being alone... or maybe I'm just sexually frustrated.... then again, maybe it's a bit of each all rolled up in a ball that's held together with the growing envy of everyone who's actually in a relationship. ...but even those people aren't happy. So how can I be depressed over things that other depressed people have? If they have what I (seemingly) want and still aren't happy, then how do I know that's really what I want? It's almost illogical. Maybe I sould ask someone who's in a relationship why they get depressed so I can skip the relationship all together and maybe find out why I'm really getting depressed. I suppose I could ask Kim why she gets depressed... afterall... she's in a relationship with Justin. It's just that I've already heard the answers I would get. I previously determined that all of her problems are in her head. So is it possible my problems are all in my head too? I mean, what if I were to get into a relationship only to discover that my depression finds away to manifest itself somewhere else? Am I stuck jumping through hoops to try to make myself happy, only to find that there will always be another hoop? <--- see! another depressing thought. I give up trying to figure it out. I just want it to go away.

I think it's been more than enough time for another update, wouldn't you agree? Don't answer that. I can't hear you anyway. Kinda like when a commerical comes on T.V. and they say "Do you suffer from feminine itching?" and I just want to say "uh... fuck no." Same thing. Anyway, Justin and Kim are still having issues.... and I'm still not able to entirely agree with either of them. eh, I don't feel like talking about them. So what's up with me... hmmm... I got my income tax money back... of course it's gone now... along with much more of my forever-dwindeling savings. I bought a new steree for my car. It's a kenwood DPX-MP4030. Very sweeet. Double Din, CD/Cassette/Mp3, variable color display, remote. looks very tight. So there went half of my IRS check. Also, my car has been handling really fucked up, vibrating a lot ... but then it's always done that some since I got the aftermarket wheels... only ever since I hit a huge fucked up spot on I-10 coming back from new orleans last summer it's been much worse. Now the tread is gone on the front tires, and the back tires are no good to use on the front because they are "out of round", or so I'm told. It's a compounded problem really, so I just had Big 10 Tires inspect the whole set up just to see how bad my wheels were fucked up. The verdict was, I have three bent rims and need 4 new tires. hmm.. lets see... $125 a rim times 3 = $375 ...plus approx $100 a tire and that brings the grand total to $775 if i buy everything online ... oh... and add shipping ... atleast $900. $900!? "Holy shit!" Yea ... that's what I said. I can get a whole new set of wheels and tires for that price.... and have them shipped for free. So that's what I did. I ordered some Exel TZ-10 wheels from Wheelmax.com. The new wheels have a hyperblack finish. I have yet to see this in person, but I hope it looks good on my car.. Actually I paid $980 cause I threw in an extra $80 for road hazard issurance ... 3 years worth. That means if these wheels get bent or fucked up really bad within three years, I send it back to them and they either replace it with a new one or if they no longer carry it, they'll send me $125 (the price of the wheel). Hopefully that means I won't be throwing my money away again this time next year. Only problem - paying the rest of my bills. I may have to loan some more $ from MBNA. Oh well... gotta do what I gots to do. By the way, the new wheels I ordered have a hyperblack finish. I have yet to see this in person, but I hope it looks good on my car. I should have them later on in the week. I'll take some pics of my stereo and my new wheels just as soon I get the new wheels on.