Hey everyone. Today is valentine's day... I really think I didn't fuck things up this year. I went out day before yesterday, and I got gifts for my brother, my neice, and my Mom. In case you don't already know, My brother's birthday is valentine's day and so is his daughter's. So that's why I had to get them gifts and cards. Now, Mom, well... she got so fuckin pissed off last year because I didn't give her anything, I had to buy her something... so yea... I bought her some shit and a card too. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom... I'm just still a little pissed about how she acted last year. Of course, Kim got Justin some great stuff for valentines day already. I think she got him new strings for his guitar, some picks, a pack of cigs, and some gum ... maybe something else... I don't remember. Justin, of course, hasn't gotten her anything yet. Of course, if he doesn't get her something nice some time today she's definately gonna flip out on him. Nothing new considering lately she's flipped out at least once a day ... usually over some really stupid shit. She's all talking about commiting suicide and it's really all a bunch of bullshit. She wears her feelings on her sleeve, and she really shouldn't. She wants to kill herself over her problems, but what she doesn't realize is her only problem is the way she deals with her so-called problems. Every little small thing, the least bit of criticism or the smallest joke, and she loses it. It really seems sometimes that she's just being really selfish. Her argument is that "people say things that hurt her, and they don't care" ..but in fact, she's flipping out at shit that everyone deals with constantly. I mean, I can only imagine what Sterling (her brother) would be like if he acted like she does considering all the unwaranted verbal abuse he takes from her on a regular basis. The average person knows it does no good to get all pissed everytime someone says something mean about them, or makes them the butt of a joke. She's got to realize that eventually. She really thinks her little tiny problems are worth giving up her life over. I've always reminded myself that no matter how bad my problems are, someone's always dealing with worse. I just can't keep sympathizing with someone who acts completely irrational on a regular basis. The kicker is she continunes to do this even though everyone constantly tells her they love her, and bathes her in attention. I, on the other hand, have been in deep depression and not had anyone around to tell me I had a life worth living, or that they would me miss me or anything. I went four years through highschool feeling like I was the invisible man, and was depressed nearly the entire time. At least I wasn't selfish... the only thing that kept me from commiting suicide was the thought of what it would do to Eric and Mom. I think I've matured since then. I know now that suicide is never the answer. Perhaps it was the day I realized that for the most part, what other people think, particularly people who aren't joking and don't know me, doesn't fucking matter. Kim is such a wonderful person when she's in a good mood that it really bothers me off that she has to flip out so much. I just really wish I knew some way to explain to her what she's doing and better ways to handle situations. She would be so much happier, and everyone else would be so much happier for her. If anyone has any ideas ... I'm open for suggestions.

Well, I think it's time for a new post. A lot has been happening. I'm getting to one of those points where I'm feeling friction on all sides of me, and I feel like I'm just waiting to explode on everyone. Scott, Liz, and her kids moved back in recently ... since Scott lost his job. Liz is already getting on everyone's god damn nerves once again. I kind of got in an argument with my Mom Sunday because she called me while I was at Kim's house telling me I needed to get home to help her clean out the garage. Like, I don't mind helping her clean out the garage, I just really would like to know before-hand. I tried to explain to her what my plans for the day were and all she wanted to do was bitch at me for not being there to help her with what she was doing. I mean, it was like she had some wild hare up her ass to clean the garage considering she hadn't mentioned a word of it to me until then, and then to get all bent out of shape when I told her I had other plans. Needless to say, I was forced to reschedule the things I had to get done to go home and help her. Justin, Kim, and Sterling even showed up later to help us. However, I did have to share a few words of discontent when I arrived just to point out how inconsiderate it was to act as though I was neglecting some unknown resposibility by not being there. Not that it had any effect, considering arguing with her is useless. She tries to lay out a guilt trip every time. She only wanted to tell me about how she fell off the ladder the day before when she was working on the rental house and all about how Dad didn't catch her. If not that, she's complaining to be about how Liz bitched at her about something she did. I concede that she has problems... and that she shouldn't have to undertake a major task like she was trying to do all by herself. But hell, all that other shit isn't my fault. I wasn't even present in either circumstance. As if the full house scenario wasn't enough, I'm having to see Kim and Justin constantly quarreling. This is probably the first time I've wanted Justin not to break up with someone. As I've said before, I really like Kim and I hate to see her sad. I drove her home tonight because the walked to my house to talk to Justin (they had been arguing) and she cried all the way home. As if that wasn't enough, since Justin recently got a job at Big Lots... Kim's dad is his boss. I really don't want Justin to lose his job seeing as how I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel concerning the money he owes me. Kim seems to be a really fragile person, and Justin tends to break up with girls with little regard for their feelings. I just don't know how she would (or "will" I should probably say) take it. I really hope she doesn't do anything foolish. I think she loves him too much... maybe more than he deserves. ...but that's just my opinion.

The most aggrivating thing is that none of these problems are mine, and yet they still grind away at me. Now, you'd think I'd be grateful, but it just pisses me off that I can't enjoy my lack of problems for being encrouched upon by everyone else's. My life really shouldn't be this hard.

Speaking of relationships, I thought I should comment on a conversation that took place one day over at Kim's house. Somehow the topic of conversation became me not having a girlfriend. There was a clear contrast between how I think about the situation and how everyone else thinks of it. You be the judge. I think I have no need for a girlfirend. Everyone I know who has a girlfriend, or a wife in Eric's case ... is some degree of miserable. Liz has got Scott by the balls. Eric's Wife is in a bad mood every time I go over there. ..and Justin and Kim ... well... u know that situation. So why the hell would I want a girlfriend, if that's all you get? Justin's answer to this was "sex." He clearly doesn't share my perspective on sex. I see sex as a bonus in a relationship. I won't comment on what it is to him. Anyway, the concensus among everyone was that I'm a cool guy, but that when I'm around women, particularly for the first time, I act different than I do normally. They also said that I don't give them a chance to get to know me. (I still contend that it is not I that is not giving them a chance... to the contrary, it is them who are not giving me a chance.) Justin also made the statement that I am everything most girls are looking for ... i.e. a cool guy w/ a nice job, a nice car, a good sense of humor, etc. For the record, everyone else agreed. It kind of gave me the impression that my looks ... and more than my looks, but my body that is keeping me from being involved in a relationship. Still not sure if that's good or bad. I pretty much put an end to the conversation saying I refuse to actively look for a woman... but if by happenstance or fate, I meet someone, then I'd give a relationship a chance.

Anyway, I think that's more than enough for this post. L8r.