Well ... another month has passed. I don't really have anything important to say.... no new realizations, no epiphanies ... just the same meager day to day existance. Full of unimportant experiences, and compounded opinions. And from here, I begin my babble: The bum is living with us again. Still the same person with no goals, aspirations, or value. Still making out with 15 year old girls who will in time learn their lesson. The same scenario he's played out before with countless other girls. Keeping him around only serves to make me feel better about myself. My main frustration right now is my lack of a working computer. A week ago I had two working computers; my laptop & my desktop. Then last Sunday I decided to sell my laptop that I had long since stopped using, and perhaps use the money towards future mods for my car. Well, the thunderstorm that occured while I was at work Sunday had different plans. When I returned home, my desktop was dead. After some not-so-fun trouble-shooting, I determined the motherboard to be the source of the problem. So here I am ... waiting on my new motherboard while $168 (i went ahead and bought a new heatsink and fan for my processor also) of the $300 I recieved for my laptop is already spent. Right now I'm using my mother's laptop in my room until I get the new mobo. I'm even having trouble sleeping at night because of my PC being dead. You have to understand, that I've slept with a PC on in my room since I was 12. The sound of the fans has become something required for a good night's sleep. For now, I have been trying to mimic the sound by tuning my stereo in between stations and playing the static at a low volume; but it quite simply isn't the same.

On a somewhat different topic, I think I've lost nearly all interest in the chat room I frequent on al.com (ChatCentral)... I'm not sure why. I think it's because I haven't been able to find anyone on there with the least bit of depth in a long time. Every once in a while I'll get into a debate/argument with a truly ignorant person who is clueless to the point of sheer amusement, and sometimes if the right people are there, some really funny shit can happen. But more often is the case that the people there all seem fake and completely two dimensional. I don't like to stereotype people, but some of them seem to be carbon copies of one another. It's the same three attitudes & personalities over and over again. I guess I just find it hard to believe that there's not more variation within the population of the chatroom. Granted, most of the people are from the same few small towns of northern Alabama, but it just doesn't explain why people with any amount of depth make up the extreme minority.

Well ... life goes on ... changing every day. I just found out that my brother, his fiance and the kids are moving out this weekend... leaving just me and my parents at home. I can vaguely remember what that was like. For the most part I don't even count my father... but it will be interesting to see how the wacky old fart will cope. What the hell will he have left to complain about? I guess there's always work. As for mom, I'm sure she'll get on a kick to start remodeling ... cleaning, painting, repairing, replacing ... no telling where that will end. I have the opportunity to decide if i want to switch rooms now ... only reasons I might want to do so is just so that I wouldn't share a wall with my parents room and so I would no longer have the one window on the east side of the house where the sun comes shining in every morning. I just don't know how my furniture would fit in either of the other rooms... and I'm so lazy I can tell you now it will never happen. I guess what I'm getting at is how fast things are happening lately. Seems like my life is passing me by... like it was only five minutes ago that I had my entire life planned out... but now I have nothing. I think it's one thing to put your foot down and say "carpe diem" ... but it's completely different when you're living day to day with absolutely nothing in mind for the future .... without ever planning to live that way. Yet it seems like I never have time to do anything ... and when I have time, all i ever want to do is sleep.

I ran into my sister at work the other day. She works at the same hospital where my mother and I work. I don't really know my sister at all. Actually, she's my half-sister ... from my father's previous marriage. In some ways, I think she thinks she was less fortunate than myself because I was able to grow up around my father and she wasn't. I mean, I think she thinks my father abandoned her and doesn't care about her, when in fact he always seemed to care about her more than myself, and he actually cares about my mother even less. At least, that's the way things were up until his father died. He always seemed to care about his parents more than any of us... and right now I think he can't understand why his daughter never visits and I never have anything to say to him. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship with my sister. How do you explain to someone that even though your father wasn't there physically, it's even worse when he was physically there ... and still NOT there for you in any other sense of the word. The man goes to work, comes home, bitches & complains, sleeps, and goes back to work. He has no hobbies, no interests ... nothing interestng to talk about. When he's not complaining about something, it's always about who died recently or what's happening on the weather channel. He doesn't know a thing about me... not the music I like, my favorite foods, my friend's names ...i'm lucky if he remembers my birthday. It would be one thing if he were the bread-winner and was too busy supporting the family to get involved but my mother makes the majority of the income and my father barely makes more than I do. I didn't really mean for this to be a "what a crappy father i have" speech ... but it's pretty bad. I know some people have it worse ... with dad's who are alcoholics and beat up their wives and children, but it's not enough to just be responsibile. If that's the kind of father you're going to be, just don't have kids.