I don't really know what to write here... life has really let me down lately. I don't know what I have to live for. I can't even talk to Wade anymore. Everytime I try we just end up arguing again... I don't even know why. Work is monotonous... hell, life in monotonous. Everyone I talk to online either seems to be fake, superficial, or just too nice. It doesn't give me much hope for the world. I'm getting more depressed by the minute... I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm starting to think no one agrees.... or if they say they agree, they're just lying to me. Part of me wants to find someone else.... give a relationship another try.... then another part of me, says "No, it'll just make you hurt even more if it doesn't work out." Then there's a third lesser-known part that says "Why? So you can break another girl's heart and have her end up hating you like the last one?" ...and that is of course followed by the last voice who can't help but add his two cents with "What makes you think another woman would want you, anyway?" I don't know if my friends care, mainly because I try my best to hide how I feel from them ...for fear of them thinking I'm just being pathetic and/or wanting attention. I guess that's why I write here... so I can express how I feel without fear of being judged. ...now if I could only not judge myself.

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