Life is so fucked up sometimes. It's like as soon as you think you have everything sorted out... and you understand those around you, shit happens and your thoughts on things shift... like my ideas are a house of playing cards. A small gust of wind will knock the whole thing down. It may take me a matter of hours, but I will pick them up, looking at each card individually and try to remember where it goes. Slowly, I put the card castle back together, but the card castle is never quite the same each time. Some cards get lost, new ones are mixed in, some cards cancel others out. But I always end up with some new clarity. Clarity is not always a good thing... for it seems the clearer my thoughts are to me, the more difficult they are for anyone else to understand. I used to feel their were people in my life who understood me so well I would have staked my life on it, but no more. People I called friends, now seem more like enemies... and I just feel like one of these days, my card castle is going to fall and I'm not going to feel like building it again. Then, maybe, I'll be like everyone else... just a child with a deck of cards who is completely content with throwing cards in the air and watching them fall where they may, oblivious to their meanings.