Well, I gotta couple of things to discuss here today... and well.. good news first. I went to Bayfest this past Sunday and I'm happy to say I had a great time. I went with Justin, Josh, Justin's friend; Joy. Joy is the perfect example of a girl who, although not particularly good looking, is still attractive. That's just one of those things that proves looks aren't everything. Anyway... as I was saying, I got to see Cowboy Mouth and Live at Bayfest. First of all... Cowboy Mouth... talk about a show with energy. They're out of New Orleans, not a real widely known band and they only have a couple of songs I've heard on the radio... but they really put on a great live show. Live, on the other hand, puts on a decent Live show (get it? Live show? ahh... bad joke I know) but their songs more than make up for the lack of spunk. The added lyrics like "Fuck you, Osama bin Laden!!!!" also added to the show. I didn't get to stay to see their whole show. Idiot Justin forgot to eat before the show and since he's always broke, we had to come all the way home so he could eat. All in all, I had fun. Now for the bad news. Monday, I got an IM from Susan while I was away Sunday. This after we have ceased speaking to each other since well before summer. The IM basically said she was back living with her parents, and she wanted to talk to me. I decided to call her at her parents house... and we chatted a while. She's living back at home because someone either her and Gerald or Gerald's Dad didn't keep up on the bills on the house they were living in. I was very interested in knowing why she wanted to talk to me now, when she hadn't bothered all summer. I mean, when she moved, she didn't even give me her new number, so I figured she didn't want to talk to me. She insists she e-mailed me the number, but I swear I don't remember ever getting it. She just wanted to catch up and see what I was up to. So you're thinking, "Where's the bad news?" ... well... you know how I said I was over Susan.... well... I really thought I was. It's like just hearing the sound of her voice is enough to bring back feelings I've tried so hard repress. There's simply no way I can continue being friends with her. I know in my mind that if you love someone, and they don't love you back, then there's nothing you can do to make them love you. Knowing that at the same time you feel the way I do about someone is enough to make you want to commit suicide. My mind says "Quit it with the loving Susan crap!!!" ...while my heart says... "...but I love Susan!!!" I know how pathetic that sounds, and perhaps I shouldn't try to explain it. If you've never been in this kind of situation, you might never be able to know how it feels. Overall, it's a shitty feeling. If she would just stay out of my life, I could let it go. Do I wish I could let it go, and just be friends? Hell yes! That would be wonderful.... but I've been trying that for over a year. I can purge my thoughts, but I can't seem to purge my feelings. What can I possibly do? I just wish someone would tell me!